Isn't It Just Fantastic?
by TakoRanko
Summary: Note To Self: Don't leave expensive art pieces lying around. Again. When the Host Club disregards this rule for the second time, a chain of events occur, causing Haruhi's visiting cousin to owe the club just like she did at the start of the year.


**Isn't It Just Fantastic?  
**

_**Universe:  
**__**Ouran High School Host Club  
**__**(Ouran Kouko Hosuto Kurabu)**_

**Author:** TakoRanko  
**Rating:** T  
**Warnings:** A naive OC. :D As well as language from his snarky thoughts, no matter how nice he looks from the outside.  
**Pairings:** None so far.  
**Disclaimer:** I am not Bisco Hatori, the owner of Rockstar Games, Masashi Kishimoto himself, or any other people who own the stuff I refer to.  
**Word Count:** 6411  
**Status:** In-Progress

**Started:** 6/11/06, Monday.  
**Finished**: -

**Summary:** Haruhi gets a surprise when her cousin apparently visits her, while she is doing her hosting! A chain of familiar events occur, causing him to owe the club just as Haruhi did during the start of the year. "15 million yen!?" Poor boy.

**A/N**: It's the different writing-style attack. D:! Gasp! Lol, I hope you can give Akira a shot, let me know what you think of him. :D  
_-Is actually asking for reviews. Discreetly. Somewhat. Pleaaaaaaseeeee? ;;-_

And every time I type Kaoru I always end up typing 'koala'. Wtf dude lol.

START!

-

He walked all the way from the Fujioka residence to the school, refusing Ranka's initial offers to send him there. He sort of wished he did – after all, a prestigious school such as Ouran would have tons of guards around it, right? Unless he had some official business or whatever, they won't just let some random person in, would they?

Well, it's too late to back away now. He was already inside the main school building anyway. How weird – nobody had caught him yet. Maybe the students were having lessons right now, and when the male glanced at his watch curiously, it was probably true…

Haruhi was right. He did have a knack of thinking up stupid ideas and acting on them_ before_ actually realizing how idiotic his plans were. Now he was **_lost, _**sneaking around _Ouran High School,_ the _school _of all _schools,_ trying to find his cousin in this vast group of buildings, when he could've just waited for the school session to end peacefully –

"…you heard? The ghost of the Ouran Main Corridor! It is said that before he strikes his victims, he sneezes three times before they die in a mass of agony and commoners noodles!"

"Oh my!"

"That's dreadful!"

"Gah!" Fujioka Akira flattened himself onto the wall, and quietly inched his way in between a small space between two pillars. Apparently, it was dusty , so he developed the maddening urge to sneeze – Akira fervently tried to squash it down.

Sadly, this was the Real World.

"ACHOO!"

_Shit! Damn it, my freak sense of timing!_

"Oh my! Did you hear that?" one of them whispered, almost horrified. The other girls nodded furiously, walking more slowly now.

Another piped up. "That sounds like a sneeze!"

"Do you think it's the ghost?"

"Oh dear! They say that we need commoner's noodles to soothe the wandering spirit!"

Akira sweatdropped from his 'hiding place'. _Um, WTF? _

"Hurry, does anyone of you have a supply of commoner's noodles?"

"I do, but they're in my other bag back in the classroom!"

"KYAA! We're doomed! We're gonna die!"

A girl sobbed. "Nooo! I can't die! The latest edition of _Moé Moé Ouran Journal _will be released tomorrow! KYAA!"

_Jeez, with all this screaming going on, I'm really surprised no one's come to check yet, _Akira thought stonily, rubbing his temples.

"YES! Furthermore, it will be featuring the exclusive Bossa Nova-kun's sad interview concerning his love for Fujioka Haruhi of Class 1-A and his feelings about being rejected!"

"NOO!!" The other girls started crying as well. Akira cocked an eyebrow. Did they just say 'Fujioka Haruhi'? _And what's this concerning 'Bossa Nova-kun'?!_ Taking a deep breath of air, he currently forgot his somewhat dusty position before he felt a tickling sensation in his nose.

_Wait wait wait -_

"ACHOO!"

"AHH! The second sneeze! The next sneeze and we will die!"

"NO! The _Moé Moé Ouran Journal!_"

"We must get away!"

"Let's run!"

"For the sake of our lives!"

"For the sake of _moé!_"

"No, wait!" Akira exclaimed, jumping from his hiding place. The girls shrieked in surprise, dropping whatever they were carrying. Alright, maybe that wasn't the best thing to do, because _damn _did his body hurt from the impact, but well, that's life.

"KYAA! Who's that?!"

"He's not a student, is he? He's wearing casual clothes!"

"But Haruhi-kun didn't wear the uniform when he first came here…"

"Ah!"

"No, wait a minute!" Akira repeated, almost groaning, pushing himself to get up. "I heard you talking, and I'm really sorry, but it was me who was doing all the sneezing."

"Really?"

"What a relief!"

The group of girls nodded to themselves and grinned at Akira. He resisted the urge to cock and eyebrow. _Wow, they sure do recover fast._

"So, uh, could you help me with something?"

"Sure!"

_They're too friendly it's ridiculous. What if I was some sort of kidnapper or molester or something – oh wait, there's bound to be security. But still! I've been skulking around this place and there's not a security personnel in sight! And aren't they gonna ask me about why I was hiding earlier? What if -_

"Ano, senpai-san?" one of the girls asked, jolting Akira out of his furious thinking. He strained a quick smile.

"Ah! Domo sumimasen! Well you see, ah, I heard you talking, and I was wondering if you could show me to Fujioka Haruhi's classroom!" he blurted out. The girls stared for a while. _Um, did they hear me…? _Akira thought fleetingly, before he was mobbed. "Gah!"

"KYAA!!"

"Are you Haruhi-kun's boyfriend?! How sweet!"

"If Haruhi-kun had someone like you, it's no wonder Bossa Nova-kun's feelings were rejected!"

"KYAA! So tell us, tell us!"

"Waah! No, I'm not, I'm not!" Akira cried, trying to fend off the girls that were already jumping on him. _Okay, that sounds somewhat wrong. But waah! Get off me! _"I'm not Haru-chan's boyfriend! I'm just a–"

"Aww!" they interrupted him. At least they stopped in the whole mobbing issue. Akira breathed in deeply.

"That's such a shame!"

"But you called Haruhi-kun Haru-chan!"

"He did? _He did_!"

"Omigawd!"

"KYAA!"

"This is such a _Moé _discovery!"

"_Moé! Moé!!"_

"We must report to Renge-san about this development!"

"YES! Let us –"

"O-hohohohohoho!!"

On cue, the sound of a powered motor coming into life plus the ominous laughter of a typical _otaku _came out of nowhere and scared the life out of Akira. "_What the_ -?!" He jumped out of the way when the floor opened up and out came a girl with long brown hair, with a determined pose like no other, laughing like a maniac. Akira gawked.

_WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!?_

The unknown, laughing maniac somehow found a microphone out of nowhere, and started spouting off a speech. "The unrequited love of a miserable boy..."

The other girls threw rose petals everywhere, while making sobbing noises. "It's sad!"

"So sad!"

"The unthinkable rejection by none other than the love of his life…"

"The heartbreak of unimaginable proportions ensues…"

"And now," the girl declared, holding up a fist and pointing at the gaping Akira. "The appearance of Fujioka Haruhi's own love in the scene!"

Akira's jaw dislocated for what might be the millionth time.

_WTF!_

"Ch-Chotto matte! I already said that I'm just - !"

"KYAA!" The girls shrieked together, and Akira suddenly heard an approaching, rumbling sound. It was coming fast, and from his previous experiences, he knew that this was probably a mob.

But a mob of _what?_

"Such is the exquisiteness of love itself! How it can bring joy or pain to the ones it enthralls! Oho-hohohoho!"

That maniac is _still _talking? Akira stood up shakily, using the wall near him as a support, his frightened stare doing little to help the situation.

"The missing element thus makes an appearance yet again! _Moé!!!!_"

"_MOE!" _A loud shout came from the opposite side of the corridor. Akira looked up curiously.

"AHH!" he screeched, seeing a mass of female students making their way towards him, sprinting feverishly. Surprisingly, the maniac and the small group of girls he scared earlier weren't fazed at all. In fact, it was as if they expected this to happen. "WHAT IS THIS?!"

Akira wasn't scared, he was fucking _terrified_.

"The power of _Moé!" _The microphone-girl declared wholeheartedly, doing a pose equivalent to that of one Rock Lee and Gai-sensei from the Naruto Universe when they are on the subject of The Power of Youth.

But anyway.

"Please!" Akira cried, putting both of his hands in front of him and closing his eyes. Silence ensued - Akira took this as a sign to proceed. "I just wanted to know where's Haruhi's class is! I kinda got lost – and I have no idea about this moé thing you're talking about!"

The quiet was getting into him. Before Akira could crack his eyes open, he was immediately swept away by the mass of females, with the maniac in front.

"WAAH!"

"OHOHOHOHO! I, Houshakuji Renge, shall concede to your wishes! TO THE HOST CLUB!"

"_Hosuto Kurabu!_" the girls chorused together, and Akira flailed helplessly.

_This is the stupidest idea yet! …Wait; did she just say the Host Club?_

Akira's eyes widened.

_Haruhi's in the HOST CLUB!?_

-

**_Stage One  
_**_Note to Self:  
__Please Don't Leave Expensive Art Pieces Lying Around. Again._

-

Fujioka Haruhi sneezed.

"You sick, Haruhi?" Hikaru, the older of the two Hitachiin twins asked from behind the chair she was sitting in.

"No," Haruhi replied, wrinkling her nose slightly. Someone must be talking about her…

The student, who dressed as a boy, was actually a girl in disguise - and because of a debt she owed the Host Club, was forced to partake in the school's activities. Tis sad, but that's life.

Sorry.

Anyway, the brown haired girl glanced at her watch, and cocked an eyebrow. _This is weird. Usually the club would be swarming with girls right now. _Haruhi looked around the room, and sure enough, there were only no females at all in the vicinity. She turned to stare at Ohtori Kyouya, the so-called Shadow King of the Host Club – and felt her heart freeze as she inched away.

Kyouya looked aggravated. He must be wondering about the absence of customers as much as Haruhi was. _Well yeah, _Haruhi berated herself, her left eye twitching. _Profits, always profits._

"Oh, what is happening? Where are my beautiful princesses?" Tamaki asked mournfully, voicing out the unspoken question.

Kyouya spoke. GASP. "I have to agree with you, Tamaki," he said, shifting his glasses. The sunlight glinted against the glass, making him look ominous. The members of the Host Club backed away slightly. "This is a very strange occurrence."

Hunny clutched his Bun-Bun plushie tighter, and looked at Morinozuka Takashi, better known as Mori. "Neh, Takashi, do you think they will come?"

"Hnn."

"Neh, Hikaru, this is boring," Hitachiin Kaoru, the younger of the twins complained, punching on the buttons of his PlayStation Portable. Abbreviation, PSP. Haruhi stared at the device and twitched again. _Rich bastards._ "I'm already tired of killing everyone I see. Or maybe it's because of this RPG-7. Where's the chainsaw?"

All of the other Host Club members stared at Kaoru. Tamaki gasped, horrified.

"Kaoru! I had no idea that you were a – a – murderer!"

"Mi'lord," Kaoru said flatly, pointing at his PSP with a 'You Are Stupid' look. "I meant the game. You can kill people in _Liberty Stories_, Mi'lord."

Tamaki smiled sheepishly. "I knew that."

_Yeah right._

Mori suddenly looked up. "Footsteps," he said shortly, and sure enough, the sound of thundering footsteps made its way to the Host Club's members' ears. Kyouya smiled.

"Those must be our guests, then."

"Ah, very good!"

Tamaki snapped out of his reverie and put his Immediate Change in Attitude into action. He smiled elegantly, taking his customary position beside Haruhi, and so did the other members, lining up after he did. The footsteps grew louder, and Haruhi wondered what it was about.

"Hey guys -" she started, but before she could finish, the doors opened. She sighed, and chorused the welcoming sentence, following everybody.

"Welcome, to the Ouran Host -"

"WAAH!"

Just as they said it, a _lump of something _was thrown into the room, missing the _Expensive Sculpture_ for the next Ouran Auction by mere inches. The members jumped, save for Mori, and stared at the object.

The lump groaned. Haruhi and the others cocked an eyebrow, before turning to the culprit – Renge, the ever present Manageress of the Host Club - with a 'WTF' look.

She ignored them.

"Thus, your wish is granted, dear Akira! Come, we must document this! To the _Moé Moé Headquarters_!" Renge shouted unwaveringly, pointing to the other direction. The girls shouted in agreement and massed out.

Yes. Massed. Whatever that means.

When the girls left, the others looked at the lump.

The lump looked at them.

And they were a bit freaked out when it moved slightly.

When a part of it _twitched_, Hunny 'eeed' and clung to Mori. "Takashiiii!" he cried, clutching onto his Bun-Bun rabbit plushie, "That's scary! Waaah!"

Mori patted on Hunny's head. "Mitsukuni, it's alright."

The others were more composed than Hunny. "Mi'lord," Hikaru whispered, staring critically at the piece of matter, "What's_ that_?"

"And why did the manageress throw it in?" Kaoru continued, producing a stick out of nowhere and poking the poor thing. It groaned again, loudly this time, and Kaoru jumped away, left eye twitching.

Tamaki swiped his hair out of his eyes and waved his finger around dangerously before pointing at the groaning object. "Fear not! I am very sure, that whatever my beautiful princesses throw in, it will be beneficial for us! Now…" Tamaki cautiously approached it.

It groaned, and tried to stand up. "T-Th-That hurts…"

"It _spoke!_" the twins exclaimed, astonished and grasping each other. Tamaki made a small squeak of fear before jumping onto Haruhi, clinging onto her for dear life.

"Haruhiii! Forgive your poor father!"

"Tamaki-senpai!" Haruhi said exasperatedly, pushing the blond away. "Get off!"

Tamaki went to his corner to sulk and grow mushrooms.

_Is he for real? _Haruhi thought annoyedly, before approaching the thing dubbed The Lump by the others. "Hey, are you okay?" she asked, helping the person to stand up. By the voice, she could tell it was a guy. The Host Club members marveled at her courage.

"I-I think so…" he replied shakily.

Hikaru and Kaoru took a good look at the person. "Neh, he's a guy!" they chorused together, not very much afraid now. They approached him, immediately evaluating the young man.

_Hmm. Black hair, with blue highlights. Everything's good, so far – wait… _Kaoru cocked an eyebrow and leaned in. He immediately backed away, horrified. _WHAT THE HECK! WHITE HAIR!? OLD GEEZER!_

_Green eyes. Points for being unique, _Hikaru thought, placing his chin on his hand. _Expressive, so two points for that. Unfortunately, he looks… Dumb._

_He's shorter than me, about Haruhi's height. That's so sad._

_Not to mention the outfit. O.K. fashion style, somewhat better than Mi'lord's, but low grade materials. Cotton. Eee._

_The sneakers aren't so well for me. Are those highlighted shoelaces?_

_Sacrilegious! Untrimmed fingernails – a **savage**!_

_And that hairstyle! GAH!_

_Unacceptable!_

"All in all," Kaoru and Hikaru announced after their silent evaluation, pointing at the poor boy, "He's a Grade D!"

…_Grade D?_

Haruhi and the boy stared.

The others 'oh'ed and applauded.

"…Wuh?"

"Don't worry about it," Haruhi replied stonily, in response to the boy's unspoken question. "They're always like this."

She let go of his arm, and he dusted himself, before turning towards her. "Ah, thank-" He stopped, eyes widening. "Haruhi?!"

After the call, Tamaki's, Kaoru's and Hikaru's jaws dislocated from their position.

…_He knows her?!_

_He knows her!_

…

_This Grade D knows her!_

"Haruhi!" the boy exclaimed happily, brightening up.

"Eh?" Haruhi was surprised, before realization lit up in her eyes. "Ra-ra?" she asked, almost as excited as he was. "Ra-ra! I missed you!" In an uncharacteristic move, she hugged the boy.

Obviously, the realization that this stranger knows Haruhi well enough to call her by her first name did not go down well in Tamaki's mind. As well as the fact that they were hugging.

In his eyes, the moon crashed onto Earth, breaking it into pieces.

_It…_

_Is… _

_UNACCEPTABLE!_

"GAHHH! TAMAKI SPECIAL KICK-U!" the blond screeched, running towards the pair and dishing out the move. He hit the stranger head on, defying all other clichés that he will miss and hit the wall instead.

"OW!" the stranger yelped, and as predicted, lost his hold on Haruhi, and was thrown to the wall like a ragdoll, missing the _Expensive Sculpture_, yet again, by mere inches. The girl gawked.

"Tamaki-senpai! What are you doing!?"

"Yes! Go for it, Mi'lord!" Hikaru and Kaoru said, cheering him on. Haruhi gawked for the second time.

"Unhand my precious daughter, you fiend!" Tamaki declared wrathfully, clinging onto Haruhi as if she was his lifeline. The girl cross dresser floundered.

"Let me go!" she said annoyedly, scratching Tamaki's arm ruthlessly. The blond backed away, tears in his eyes.

"B-but my lovely Haruhi!"

She ignored him.

For the second time that day, Suoh Tamaki went growing mushrooms.

"Akira, are you okay?"

The boy groaned in response. "Yeah… Though I don't know how you put up with this everyday, Haru-chan." He got up shakily (yet again) and didn't bother to stand up this time. He looked up at Haruhi with a weak grin. "Your Ouran High School is really insane, I'm glad I didn't apply for the scholarship. Ha ha!"

If Akira noticed the offended looks from the rest of the group, he didn't show it.

Haruhi shrugged. "I manage."

"Wait a minute!"

"Wait a minute!"

"What's going on here?" the twins asked, making an entrance. They ganged up on Akira.

As usual, Hikaru was the one to start. "How do you know Haruhi?"

"And why do you call her Haru-chan?"

"Only Hunny-senpai is allowed to call her that!"

"And that's because he's the Cute type!"

"How about you?"

"What's your excuse?"

"Waah! Stop it!" Akira cried, trying to crawl away. He crawled past the _Expensive Sculpture_ and started running. The force that is the Hitachiin twins started chasing him.

"You're so soft, too!" Kaoru said tauntingly, in response to Akira's 'waah'.

"What's with that? I thought commoners like you were supposed to be thick-skinned!"

"Ahahaha! Look at him, running away!"

"Ahahaha!"

Haruhi's mouth twitched. _Rich, ruthless bastards._ "Stop bullying him, you two! Honestly."

"If you want us to stop," Hikaru started.

"Then tell us who's he to you!" Kaoru finished cheerfully, still chasing Akira. Said boy was ready to cry. _What are these freaks made of?!_

Haruhi sighed, irritated. "If you really want to know, he's my childhood friend and cousin."

Everyone perked up.

"Oh…?" the twins said fleetingly, before looming over Akira with matching leers. "Childhood friend, you say…?"

Hunny bounced into the scene and clung onto Akira with a toothy smile. "Wah! Aki-chan is Haru-chan's cousin, neh, neh?" he asked, complete with flowers in the background. Akira smiled, relieved to find someone who's close to sane, after what he's been through. He patted Hunny's head – a perfect Kodak moment.

In fact, there were some clicks that ensued in the background.

Must be the work of a certain man nicknamed the Shadow King…

But anyway.

"Yes, I am," Akira confirmed the fact. He was suddenly swept into a flurry of yellow and a glint of purple. "Wah?!"

"How good, good! Very good! Such a kind-hearted person being Haruhi's childhood friend and cousin – How wonderful!" Tamaki cried joyfully, having one of his Immediate Changes in Attitude again. He spun the poor boy around and round, not realizing of the _Expensive Sculpture _just meters away from their dance.

"I – I – AAAH!" Akira couldn't help but cling to the insane man spinning him around, to prevent himself from being thrown, repeating yet another Tamaki Special Kick-u Stunt.

"And of course," Tamaki started elegantly, producing a rose out of nowhere. He tilted Akira's chin up, gazing into wide emerald-coloured eyes full of surprise, and smiled slightly. "All those who go through the doors of the Third Music Room are guests to the Host Club – that is the reason why you are here, is that correct?"

"I – what…?" Akira asked blankly, unable to comprehend the situation. He blushed from the close proximity of the Host Club King's face with his own, and tried to push him away. Keyword? Tried. That grip was strong enough to maybe even match Ranka's hold, and that was definitely saying something.

Haruhi gawked.

"Neh..?" Tamaki continued, leaning in. "Darling…?"

"Ehh? What – no!" Finally understanding what he's in, Akira ducked away, his eye twitching. He turned to Haruhi discreetly, sending out signs of help. And a healthy dose of -

_WTF! WTF! WTF! WTF! WT –_

That's enough, Character Thoughts Scanner.

The thought scanner 'aww'ed and slinked out. BACK TO THE HOST CLUB -

Mistaking the gesture for a sign of shyness, Tamaki smiled again and laughed, a warm, tinkling sound. He immediately spun Akira around to face the rest of the group, who interestingly, were lined up, save for Haruhi. She was still busy gawking.

"So, then, darling -" Akira shuddered, it was so _weird _to be called like that by someone he just _met_. "-who would you like to be with? Or, to be more precise, which type do you prefer…? Ohtori Kyouya - The cool type?"

Kyouya shifted his glasses and smiled at Akira, making the boy jump at the reflected light.

"I-I don't really think –"

"Ah, that's too bad, love. What about – the Hitachiin twins, Hikaru and Kaoru - the devil type?" Tamaki continued and _damn was he freaking me OUT!_

"W-Wait a minute!" Akira stammered again, backing away, the _Expensive Sculpture _in his line of vision, but that didn't matter at the moment. "I-I just -!"

"Would you like to play with us, Akira-kun?" Hikaru asked suggestively, appearing beside him. Akira jumped and tried to run, but was held in place by the other twin, who clung onto him from his other side.

"Don't forget me too, Akira-kun," Kaoru whispered.

Haruhi gawked.

Akira was ready to faint. "Please, get off me!" He finally jerked out of their grasp and ran, but right onto a tall figure. Tamaki continued his speech.

"Ah! How superb… The elusive, wild demeanor is the one you prefer, then, dear Akira? The one that our very own Morinozuka Takashi holds?"

"N-No!" Akira stuttered, totally out of his element. He looked up at the obstacle he bumped into, and paled slightly. The face of the stoic senior certainly did take a few years out of his life. "U-Um…"

"Don't be scared of Takashi, Aki-chan!" Hunny chirped, jumping off Mori and glomping Akira.

"So, Hunny-senpai is the one to enthrall you this time? The loli-shota type – I'm surprised, Akira-kun."

_I can't take it anymore!_

"No, no, no!"

"Wuh.. Wuh - Waaaah!" Hunny cried, hugging Bun-Bun tighter. "Aki-chan hates me! Waah!"

"No – No, I don't!" Akira said hastily, trying to calm the poor boy down. He held him in his arms, plucking him off. "P-Please don't cry, it's unbecoming for someone like you! You look better if you don't!" When the tears stopped, Akira smiled, relieved. "See? It's good to cry sometimes, but then you don't need to on other situations. You look cuter already, Hunny-san," he said sincerely, wiping off the tears with a finger, before being mobbed by another flurry of yellow and purple. "WAAH!"

"Kawaii, kawaii, KAWAII! Ahh! If only you were enthralled by me, the Prince, no, King of the Host Club itself – Suoh Tamaki - similar to the fates of my beautiful princesses! If only, if only, if only, my darling Akira!!" Tamaki affirmed dreamily, spinning him around yet again. Akira got dizzy, and felt extremely nauseous.

"Um, excuse me, Tamaki-san?" Akira asked faintly, and only _then _did Tamaki stop.

"A-ha ha ha – oh?" One look at Akira's face, and Tamaki immediately jumped into a whirlwind of conclusions. "No! Darling! Are you alright? You look so unwell! Have I done something wrong? No – impossible! I will never do that to one of my –"

"Tamaki-senpai," Haruhi said icily, freezing Tamaki in his speech. "Akira gets easily nauseous, and with you twirling him around, it's not making it easier for him."

"Oh," Tamaki said sheepishly, releasing Akira. The boy walked away slowly, wobbling in his steps. He covered his mouth with his hand, almost retching once. He started falling, and the eyes of the others widened, particularly Kyouya's.

Haruhi gasped. "Akira, watch out!"

The ominous presence of the Expensive Sculpture made itself known at the 'DOUBLE WTF' of times. The scene was in super slow motion – which made the twins stare in awe.

"It's the _Super_ Solo Slow Motion!" Hikaru exclaimed, pointing, almost in admiration.

"TRIPLE 'S'!?" Tamaki almost screeched, gasping horrifically.

Kaoru gasped as well. "Oh no! _Mi'Lord's_ Solo Slow Motion move is beaten!"

"NOO!"

"Um, guys, aren't there more pressing issues than that?" Haruhi asked, pointing at the falling Akira.

They stared blankly.

Mori sighed and gave the answer they were looking for. "The sculpture he's falling on."

"…"

"…"

"OH NO!"

"The _Expensive Sculpture_!"

"The one we were planning to sell on the auction!"

"NOOO!!" Tamaki yelled, running towards Akira. Hikaru and Kaoru gasped again, clutching each other.

"The Super Stylish Solo Slow Motion!"

"Super Stylish Solo Slow Motion – QUADRUPLE 'S'! It's so marvelous!"

"Mi'Lord claims the title yet again!" they chorused together, smiling through a film of fake tears.

Akira, though, wasn't feeling so celebrative. Other than his nausea, he felt something was wrong during his fall.

Very, very wrong.

The bad kind of wrong that you _know _is gonna screw up your life and _just well fuck it_.

"Akira!!" Tamaki shouted critically, and Akira's eyes widened when he snapped out of it and saw the Expensive Sculpture a few feet away from him. _What are they worried about? Honestly, I'm miles away from the thing, and – _"I'll save you!!" Tamaki bellowed valiantly, outstretching his hand –

- and repeating yet another Episode 2 stunt.

Yes, the, 'Tamaki-Special-I-Push-You-Accident' move, the one that caused the loss of Fujioka Haruhi's first kiss to a girl.

Thus.

CRASH!

The Host Club members gawked, particularly Haruhi, who definitely recognized the scene as well as the others did, the machinations from one Shadow King. Although this time, said Shadow King's left eye twitched minimally, before he covered it with a shift of his glasses.

They glinted.

Absolutely unshakable, that Kyouya, even in the face of a broken Expensive Sculpture courtesy of Suoh Tamaki and this newcomer.

"Ouch…" Tamaki groaned, before looking up and seeing two things –

One, Akira was hurt. This caused some Hysteria inside Tamaki's mind.

_My dear Akiraa!! …Wait, what's that behind him - !_

Two, the Expensive Sculpture was broken.

This caused _Mass _Hysteria, coupled with the first fact.

"AHHH!" Tamaki shrieked, his features freezing from the top of his head and downwards. The others stared, definitely remembering this scene – except this time, it was because of different circumstances. And Kyouya wasn't the one to initiate it… Nope.

He was the one calmly trying not to kill a certain blond.

"Tamaki…" Kyouya started, a shadow over his otherwise handsome features. The others pitied their silent King, but made no move to go in between the two. It would be suicidal.

Speaking of which, Akira groaned again, feeling the effects of yet another meeting with the floor. Hmm. The thing must probably think he loves it or whatever. "I… What…?" Looking up, he saw the broken pieces of the Expensive Sculpture, and froze. Akira turned his head so fast that it almost broke, to look at the fallen Suoh and the others.

He felt his life losing another few years at Kyouya's face.

"M-M-Mommy! I'm so sorry about this! The Expensive Sculpture was supposed to be the highlight of the auction, yes?" Tamaki asked weakly, hoping for no harshness.

Alas, he was severely disappointed.

"Yes." Absolutely freezing, that reply. Haruhi almost pitied the King. "But, since it is broken due to both of your theatrics…" Kyouya pointedly looked at Akira as well, who gulped.

"Wait!" Haruhi exclaimed, surprised. "Akira didn't have a hand in this!"

"But," Hikaru butted in, "If Akira-san didn't come today, everything else wouldn't have happened!"

"And the Sculpture would still be there!" Kaoru finished with a flourishing motion. Apparently, Kyouya approved of this logic, and started scribbling furiously on his notebook with a contented smile. Haruhi gawked with a 'How Could You' look at the twins, but they ignored her.

"Neh, neh, so Tama-chan and Aki-chan both has to pay for the broken Sculpture!" Hunny chirped up, seemingly oblivious to the current agony of the two people he mentioned.

"Speaking of which, how much _is _the Sculpture?" Mori's voice rumbled, finally making an appearance after so many sentences without him.

Kyouya's eyes twinkled while he continued scribbling. "An estimated mere 15 million yen, and split in half would be about seven and a half million. No dilemma, of course, for someone from the Suoh household."

Tamaki sighed in relief, and stood up, having another of his I.C.I.A. (abbreviation of the now-famous Immediate Change in Attitude). "That's a small price to pay, thankfully –"

"15 MILLION YEN!?"

Apparently, not a very small price to pay for the victim of all of this, Fujioka Akira. His shriek could tell half of the story, and also wake up the whole Ouran High School.

"15 million yen!? I can't pay 15 million yen just for a stupid Sculpture that's crazy I could buy loads of other things with that money like maybe more groceries or even an apartment but for a Sculpture! It's! Ridiculous!" Akira screamed, his voice getting higher and higher as he pulled on his hair.

Haruhi was highly concerned. A hyperventilating Akira was a typhoon of destruction if not handled properly. "Akira! Calm down!"

"It's not so bad you know," Hikaru spoke out, cocking an eyebrow at the hyperventilating kid. Akira glared at Hikaru hatefully, and the older Hitachiin twin actually backed away before stammering out the rest of his reply. "W-Well if you look at it, Tamaki-senpai also has to pay, so it's only half the price – 7.5 million yen."

Akira's rage and nervousness immediately died down. "Wow. Really?" he asked curiously, before widely smiling. The others marveled at the change –

"_He has learned the Lord's I.C.I.A!" _

"_GASP! Incredible!"_

"_Aki-chan is so cool!"_

"…"

"That makes it all better – at least someone has to share the pain. But… Tamaki-san is really, really rich, right…?" Akira's speech died down with his expression when he realized it. "I still have… 7.5 million yen... To pay back…" Tamaki, unfortunately, heard the miserable tone.

"Akiraa! No need to worry – my darling daughter, your cousin, Haruhi herself – she had to pay a debt as well!" Tamaki declared, glomping the poor boy. Akira struggled, before stopping.

"Eh? Really?" he asked, tilting his head. Tamaki stared…

"AHH! MY LUVU LUVU FOR YOU INCREASES WITH EVERY SECOND!"

"WAAH!"

"Well… This is… A certainly interesting development," Kyouya said, highly amused. Haruhi glared at him lightly.

"Interesting development?" Haruhi repeated, incredulous. "…Sometimes I wonder if you're the one orchestrating everything that the Host Club experienced…" She was, actually, not surprised at all. Kyouya smiled, shaking his head.

"I can assure you, not this time."

_I highly doubt it._

Hikaru and Kaoru appeared behind the Shadow King, Hikaru apparently recovered from the glare Akira threw at him earlier.

"But how is Akira-san going to pay for the fees, Kyouya-senpai?" Kaoru asked, emphasising on the 'pay'.

"Yeah, Kyouya, it's not like he can host, can he?"

"Even though he does have the looks –"

"-He's not enrolled in Ouran High School-"

"So what then shall we do?" they ended together, putting their hands up – with a look of mock disappointment.

Haruhi was not amused.

"Kyouya-senpai, maybe you could split the debt further between me and Akira –"

"What!? No, no!"

Apparently, Akira had broken away from the glomping Tamaki and was vehemently refusing the help. "No, no! It's my fault; I should be the one to pay my own debts, Haruhi."

"Then why won't you pay the full 15 million then?" Hikaru asked tauntingly, and backed away when Akira gave a stare.

"Because Tamaki-san was at fault as well. Anyway –"

"_Stop growing more mushrooms, Tamaki-sempai."_

"-No, I won't let you."

Haruhi sighed. "Fine, okay. But how are you gonna pay back that money?"

"Ah… Well… By the time I actually earn that amount, I'm probably in my 40s…" Akira mumbled, and the twins laughed. He pouted.

"I have your solution," Kyouya said triumphantly, after minutes of furious scribbling. He clicked his pen and turned around, pointing at Akira in an uncharacteristic motion. "You. Fujioka Akira, age 17. Born in October 5th at 1:01AM and his Zodiac Sign is of course Libra. Height is 5'4, weight is 49kg. Blood type – AB."

There were collective, fearful gasps from the members, but Kyouya ignored it. "Strong subjects – English, Mathematics, Science and Art. Hates Art and Maths. Favorite food – Char Kway Teow and fried rice. Favorite color – neon green."

"What the!? Where did you get all of that information!" Akira demanded, extremely embarrassed. The Glasses of the Shadow King Glinted.

"Neon green?" Hikaru asked flatly, to the lightly blushing, gawking Akira.

"Hey!"

"And why do you hate Art and Maths, Aki-chan? Neh, those are your strong subjects," Hunny asked childishly, hugging his plushie. Akira scratched his cheek lightly, smiling sheepishly.

"Ah well, I hate the formulas that come with maths… And for Art, I hate Theory. Enough said," he said almost flatly, refusing to elaborate any further.

"What the hell is Cha-ru Ku-e-yu Te-ow?" Kaoru asked, unable to pronounce it because of his mother tongue.

"Char Kway Teow?" Akira asked, confused at why they can't pronounce it… Before chuckling. "Ah, sorry, I forgot. Some sort of Chinese dish, it's really nice. You should try it sometime –"

The Flurry of Suoh Tamaki Strikes Again!

"YES! Maybe we should go and try this new dish my darling, precious son speaks of! Aha ha ha!"

"WAAH!"

"Who's his son?" Hikaru asked pointedly, looking at Akira.

"Great, he's taking in another stray," Kaoru finished.

Haruhi glared at them.

"Ahem." Everyone stopped to look at Kyouya. "The solution I was speaking of earlier –" He pointed at Akira with a triumphant stare (or as triumphant as a stare from the Shadow King could get, anyway).

"You – are now a member of the Host Club!"

The others stared, letting the information go through their minds slowly.

Slowly.

…

…

…

"NAN DESU KA!?"

"Kyouya-sempai, it doesn't. Make. Sense."

"He can't join the club if he's not a student, can he?"

"…"

"That means he can't participate in any of the activities connected to the Host Club, right?"

"Silence!" Kyouya requested, and shut up they did. "I'll have you know that Akira here is actually home schooled, and he will have no problems of attending our various scheduled meetings. As for the problem of being enrolled in Ouran… Who cares?"

They all agreed.

Absolutely callous.

"He does have a point."

"Yeah!"

"Never mind that, what _type_ is he if he's a member?" Hikaru asked impatiently, tapping his foot. Everyone leaned in to stare at Akira.

He fidgeted.

"Any ideas?" Kaoru asked the rest of the group, and they shrugged. Except Haruhi, yeah – she was staying out of it.

"He's soft. Don't tell me he'll be the 'soft' type."

"That sounds so wrong."

"We don't even know if the girls will like him! What with the clothes…"

"Well then," Kyouya intervened, his glasses glinted once more. "Why don't we let him start off being the dog of the Host Club, just like Haruhi before?"

"Good idea!" Hikaru and Kaoru cheered together, doing a 'Very Good!' pose. Haruhi was close to squawking at the discreet insults thrown at her and her cousin.

Hunny bounced in his seat.

"Wah! Aki-chan no Inu! Inu! Inu!"

Akira, however, wasn't all that amused.

"Dog…? But that's… So, so 'meh'…"

"'MEH'!?" Tamaki shrieked, his hair standing up. Sacrilegious! He turned to Hikaru and Kaoru, pointing wildly. "Hikaru! Kaoru! You two!"

"Tamaki! Sempai! What now!" they mocked, sniggering.

"Yes, you! What have you done to my precious son!? He's babbling incoherent nonsense!"

"No, no!" Akira exclaimed, trying to calm down Tamaki. "It's okay, Tamaki-san. I'm sure that this way, I'll be able to pay you all faster… Being a 'dog' is handling all the trivial tasks, right?" he asked curiously, before smiling brightly. "It's okay! I have no dislike for chores -"

The Tamaki Flurry Evolves Into A Hurricane!

Hurricane Tamaki Strikes the Akira Coast Yet Again!

When Will This Headline End!?

"AHH! I feel so, so guilty for letting you be burdened with this task, my precious, precious, precious son!" Tamaki cried, through a film of _real _tears, grossly opposite of the Hitachiin twins' antics earlier. Akira was getting used to it, fast, so he kept quiet, trying to ride out the storm. "But if that is what you wish, very well then!"

He pointed towards the sky, with Akira in tow. Tamaki's blond hair shone brightly, and the audience gawked, most of them in awe.

Haruhi was gawking because of the 'ARE YOU #& SERIOUS' moment.

"Starting tomorrow, you will be the Host Club's dog! SOB! In charge of trivial tasks you will be, and if you have any trouble, don't be afraid to tell me, your father! Thus – the welcoming shout!" he spoke diligently, and the others applauded.

"Fujioka Akira, welcome – to Ouran High School's Host Club!"

Haruhi snapped out of it.

"WHAT!"

-FINALLY END DUDE.-

-

A/N: I cannot believe that this monster came out instead of a few words! And by a few I meant maybe only 2,000 – around that number. Ha ha and ha, apparently my mind up there did a Renge and shouted "NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!", swelling this up into thrice its original size.

But still.

I liked Akira. He's probably one of my only original characters that I could easily write. He whines like my brothers, lol.

If you've read this far, PLZREVIEW ;; I need to know if I should continue this thing, and if my sense of humor suxx0rs. ;-; ;-; ;-;

Thank you! –salutes and gdnght.-


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